Ugh.

I …
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE chemotherapy.

Now that I’ve graciously gotten that out of my system…

I’ve fallen behind with writing in this blog. Not because of laziness, no, but mostly because I’m too depressing to be around. (Yay, self-pity party anyone?) I’m pretty much a bundle of sad and I’m absolutely tired of faking happy when I’m around other people.

A few of the steroids I have to take alongside my chemotherapy are causing me to gain ridiculous amounts of weight and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. Calorie counting, walking, starving myself to death… ugh. It’s becoming really hard for me to deal with. It’s yet another thing completely out of my control.

I hate this. I hate everything that’s been happening. I want the treatments to be over.

How do I pick up the pieces and start over when I know nothing’s ever going to be the same again?

I hate cancer.

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